I'm not sure where to start...Breast Cancer at Age 33.

I am not sure where to start with writing about my life and how I feel so I just felt like I'd jump right in.

Today is Wednesday 20th July 2023 and just about 10.30pm. I'm feeling sad and vulnerable and generally completely lost to say the least. Over two months ago (although I am crying like it was yesterday) I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. It feels bizarre to type that *I have Cancer* but there it is.

It all started at the end of June this year. I had just reached the 3 month recovery time for a major laparoscopy which treated Endometriosis. I was back at work, starting to think about the future and feeling very happy because I thought I was finally going to get the things I wanted in life, and they seemed like such simple things. My partner (Mike) and I had spoken about starting a family and always wanted to buy a house of our own first. Things got in the way inevitably, being out of work, money worries, I had a car accident in 2019, and then shortly after Covid hit and the whole world was plunged into dealing with that. The housing market then took a nose dive here in England and the interest rates are through the roof.

It depresses me as we spent most of our 20s saving, trying to be sensible, and do things the *best* and most sensible way. 

So, as you can imagine, I was basically recovered, we were still renting but were going to go for the things we wanted. We were also looking at getting a bunny as I had wanted a pet for some time. We had even looked into the indoor areas and planned what we were going to buy!

I sent the above picture to my friend Aggie who had undergone her surgery for Endometriosis the same day as me to basically say "I'm at work and I'm on the mend"💗

I believe it was 12 weeks to the day (give or take) following my surgery, I was in the shower and I felt a lump. I was sure it hadn't been there before, positive it was new. I felt it again once out of the shower and tried to call the doctor but I couldn't get through, so I carried on to work.  After the weekend, on Monday morning I got through to the GP surgery and booked an appointment for the same day. I wondered whether it was something to do with my hormones following my gynae surgery. It still felt the same as it had on Friday. My GP was not too concerned as she said it was "moveable" but she put me on the waiting list for a scan. 

Two weeks and one day later I was at Alexandra Hospital in Redditch, I was nervous of course and so were my parents but I was convinced it would be a cyst. If I had any inclination it was anything else I would have taken my partner with me to the appointment too. 

I was examined by a consultant who did not think it was anything to worry about either, as it was "moveable" but he sent me on for a same-day mammogram and ultrasound just to be sure. He believed it to be a fibroadenoma. 

I started to get more nervous during the ultrasound, the clinician moved the probe up and down my armpit which hurt quite a bit and then over my right breast. She said she was going to insert a clip which would be removed if I had surgery - I was very confused, why would I have surgery? She then asked me to go to the room next door for a mammogram which I did, and then return for a biopsy. At this point, I was starting to get more and more nervous and the wait to see the doctor again took a long time. I sat opposite an elderly lady in the waiting area who was so relieved she had a fibroadenoma - She hadn't seen the consultant yet either but they hadn't gave me any news at all. I started to get very scared.

Once I was in the room the doctor came and the nurse looked so sympathetic. He sat down and faced me and said it was Cancer. He looked shocked himself, but there you go. Cancer. He told me completely curable and I would be fine. But, Cancer? I was 33 years old. He explained it was early and about 3cm. He went over the plan of meeting with the surgeon once he returned from holiday the following week and then I would meet an oncologist. We spoke briefly about anyone in the family who may have had cancer. Any injuries I had sustained - I did mention I had bruising following my car accident but this was not seen as relevant as it isn't on my report. He mentioned the biopsy results would give a lot more information and take things from there. The clinician was extremely nice and sensitive at delivering the worst possible news I have ever had. When I left the room I just could not contain myself and the nurse took me to a side room and sat with me. She put her arm around me and passed me tissues and said many reassuring words. We went to find my parents in the cafeteria area as I could not even describe them my mind was a mess, Cancer? When she broke the news to them, and said it again out loud it felt so alien to me. How could this be me, surely there was a mistake? I was diagnosed on the 4th July 2023.